Oh, you ever get those days where you have soooo much to do-- and your body just doesn't want to do it? My body is saying: rest, just rest. But my brain is teeming with all the things that I need to do-- and dwelling on the little time I have to it. Oh classes with required attendance, sometimes there are more important things than attending you. Lately, things have been blissful at our apartment. Shineah got engaged! and she was here when it happened. I couldn't be more happy for her or for AJ, her fiance. :) Yay for love. We also have been having a cold spell-- I don't know why nature feels she has to rain every day. but here you have it. I just want time to move faster. I want finals to be done, work to be over, and germany to start, so that I can enjoy it and then come home to my dear, Jake. Sadly, that also means I want summer to be over before it begins. Crazy. I love summer. I think about the day to day tasks-- especially the ones involving a certain chemistry class, and I entertain the idea of what my life would be life without chemistry. Oh! such a pleasing and peaceful thought!

It seems only prudent today, given the extensive use of my blog, to explain the title. You see, in case you haven't noticed, I love literature. A lot. I have some favorite pieces, like any lit lover. Among them is the poem "Birches" by Robert Frost. Everybody has heard of Frost-- two roads diverged in a yellow wood-- you know. But not enough people have heard of birches.
Allow me now, to share this poem with you. It's a bit long, so I will put the last part, which is my favorite.

So was I once myself a swinger of birches.
It's when I'm weary fo considerations.
And life is too much like a pathless wood
Where your face burns and tickles with the cobwebs
Broken across it, and one eye is weeping
From a twig's having lashed across it open.
I'd like to get away from earth for a while
And then come back to it and begin over.
May no fate willfully misunderstand me
And half grant what I wish and wisk me away
Not to return. Earth's the right place for love:
I don't know where it's likely to go better.
I'd like to go by climbing a birch tree,
And climb black branches up a snow white trunk
Toward heaven, till the tree could bear no more,
But dipped its top and set me down again.
That would be both going and coming back.
One could do worse than to be a swinger of birches.

Lovely.

You know the old saying where you always want what you can't have?
Well, today, I wanted ice-cream.
I love ice-cream. So sweet, and creamy and delicious (and so much better tasing in America than Canada). I love trying new flavors and putting hot fudge on it.
And, I am lactose intolerant.
But, I simply decided that the pleasure was worth more than the consequence (not a good attitude to have, by the way) and ate.
But, I know what the consequence will be. A churning stomach. Not to mention the smattering of red spots on my usually beautifully clear skin.

I love flowers.

This post may or may not be slightly sappy. Spoiler alert: sappiness will occur.

I came home after kind of a rough morning and I decided to catch up on some school work that I was behind in. I was very tired from the night before and wanted nothing more than to rest, and cut class for the rest of the day.
I laid down, and there was a loud knock at the door. I didn't want to answer it, so I ignored it. My roommate answered. A minute later, she appears in my room holding a gorgeous flower arrangement (gerbera daisies-- one of my favorite flowers). I opened the card, and they were sent to me by the guy I am dating. He lives in Maryland right now. I was so surprised, and my day took a significant upturn.
A slice of life-- and a good one. But I realized how petty my earlier mood had been, and I worked hard for the rest of the day to try and brighten the day of others. If only I had felt the inclination to do so without having to be reminded how important it was.
But it was a beautiful reminder.

Where do emotions come from? I swear I felt them all today- irritation, fear, stress, joy, love, jealousy, happiness, calm, content... you name it. You think my body would just pick one emotion and say, "Body, today your emotion is ____." and life would be so easy.
I guess Humans are reactive. That's what makes us interesting. We can change how we feel. We can love how we feel. We can even feel things about how we feel. Have you ever considered how much of a miracle it is to feel?
Today I got to talk with somebody who I care about. You ever feel like you see fulfilled just by having them there-- knowing you could say something and they will hear you, the comfort of the thought, but not really having to talk? That is why I realized why emotions and feelings are so wonderful. Even the bad ones: anger and hurt and irritation, become indicators of how much we care for others. The show how invested we are in something wonderful. They make us believe the best in people.
So, yay for feelings. Don't be afraid to let them show.

so... today I made cinnamon rolls. I really don't think there is anything more satisfying than seeing those rolls-- perfectly risen and leaking with hot cinnamon sugary goodness, on the counter, just waiting to be slathered in cream cheese frosting.
Baking is the stress reliever of my life. I take out my frustrations while kneading the dough and I stir my thoughts into the sauces and flatten out my fears and anxieties with the rolling pin. The bigger the project, the more I am in need of some great time to think, and to learn more about myself, and think about ways that I can be better... do things better. Plus, looking at the end result, and seeing the faces of the people I give it away to-- it just makes everything seem a whole lot simpler.

Do you ever get experiences where you are suddenly caught off guard with how different you are acting than normal? Where you wake up everyday unstressed, with a smile on your face, with a laugh in your heart, and the sun is shining even when it is pounding rain?

I feel like that now.

I think it might be because it is finally warm out. And it is staying light out longer. And I have made some new friends. And... I have no idea why, but I don't think I have ever wished for spring to come faster than I wished for it this year. Winter and I simply had a falling out. We were not friends this year. Winter gave me my birthday... gave me Christmas, and sapped my energy and plunged me into a feeling of complete melancholy. No thank you. I will take green. I will take sun. I will take rain and sunshine and daffodils and tulips and grass and dirt and birds and baby ducks and easter... oh the good things. The good good things.

Cue smile here.