This week was interesting. We went to a wedding over the weekend, which meant that the Eat To Live lifestyle was out for a day. I also fractured my elbow on Monday (riding a bike in the Canyon, braked too fast, wiped out...) so I haven't been feeling the greatest. But, I still kept up my daily large salad, and stayed away from meat, dairy, and sugar (for the most part, a couple bites of this and that here and there).
The stats: I was more bloated this week because I wasn't as strict with what I was eating, but I still felt better than I did before.
Weigh in: 154.8
Friday, August 29, 2014
Friday, August 22, 2014
Eat To Live Week 1: Going Nutritarian
So, when I started Dr. Fuhrman's Eat To Live lifestyle, I scoured the internet daily for success stories to keep me motivated. I've decided I will post weekly as my health improves to help motivate other's to change.
What is it?
Well, it's a 90% vegetarian diet, where you eat at least of pound of fresh veggies, a pound of cooked veggies, and a cup of lentils or beans daily, with four (or more) servings of fruit. You can also have one serving of grains or starchy veggies like corn or potatoes.
The point is to eat the most nutrient dense foods on the planet to ensure having good health. I like to focus on the wide variety of things I can eat, than focusing on the things I can't, which are:
I read that the first few days were the hardest, but they weren't for me. I felt so good to finally be eating in the best way possible that I was on this "Go Me!" high for a long time (read: few days).
About four days in, I got stressed out, and felt the familiar pull toward foods that were comforting. I wanted breads-- donuts, garlic toast, homemade rolls. I was surprised, because I thought my main craving would be sugar.
I didn't ADD salt to my dishes, but I also didn't follow the low sodium requirements as stringently because flavor and because I workout daily and have no heart problems so I am not super worried about my sodium being too high.
The foods I cheated with:
Starting Weight: 160.4
Week 1 End Weight: 156.6
I sleep deeper at night, I have more energy, and my sugar cravings are gone. Also, my face has cleared up a little bit.
I enjoy my vegetables, but my favorite thing that I ate this week was a ripe peach. It was candy.
I would encourage anyone to try ETL, and to read the book. It's already making a difference.
See you next week.
What is it?
Well, it's a 90% vegetarian diet, where you eat at least of pound of fresh veggies, a pound of cooked veggies, and a cup of lentils or beans daily, with four (or more) servings of fruit. You can also have one serving of grains or starchy veggies like corn or potatoes.
The point is to eat the most nutrient dense foods on the planet to ensure having good health. I like to focus on the wide variety of things I can eat, than focusing on the things I can't, which are:
- salt
- sugar (in any form)
- oils (avocado is fine)
- refined flours, white pasta, bread
- anything processed
- dairy
- most meats
I read that the first few days were the hardest, but they weren't for me. I felt so good to finally be eating in the best way possible that I was on this "Go Me!" high for a long time (read: few days).
About four days in, I got stressed out, and felt the familiar pull toward foods that were comforting. I wanted breads-- donuts, garlic toast, homemade rolls. I was surprised, because I thought my main craving would be sugar.
I didn't ADD salt to my dishes, but I also didn't follow the low sodium requirements as stringently because flavor and because I workout daily and have no heart problems so I am not super worried about my sodium being too high.
The foods I cheated with:
- I would eat an egg on the days I lifted weights.
- I ate a cup of corn chex one day as a starch.
- We went to dinner at a friend's house, and she served chicken enchiladas, salad, and homemade ice-cream for dessert. I just had a modest portion of everything, because I don't want to be one of those people who is rude about those things, especially when others go to such an effort to cook for me.
Starting Weight: 160.4
Week 1 End Weight: 156.6
I sleep deeper at night, I have more energy, and my sugar cravings are gone. Also, my face has cleared up a little bit.
I enjoy my vegetables, but my favorite thing that I ate this week was a ripe peach. It was candy.
I would encourage anyone to try ETL, and to read the book. It's already making a difference.
See you next week.
Saturday, April 12, 2014
Six Months and Counting
Today Tennyson is half a year old. He has definitely changed our lives, and we are so excited to see him grow and learn things each day. He has his own little personality. Here are some things that make him him:
- He likes to suck on his index finger.
- He does planks by raising himself up on his hands and toes, instead of his hands and knees.
- He loves all kinds of stuffed animals, and thinks they are the best chew toys.
- He loves pears.
- He likes to go swimming and finds endless entertainment with being in the water.
- He likes to jump up and down, and sometimes will launch himself right into my face when he is on my lap.
- He is a morning person, and is always fiercely happy when I get him out of his crib, at around 5:30 AM.
- He is already in his toddler car seat.
- He blows raspberries when he is frustrated or when he wants attention.
- He loves to grab my hair.
- He think it is hilarious to be on top of my head and laughs super hard when he is.
- He has really big feet that are perfect for eating.
- He gets a really big pouty face when he thinks no one is paying attention to him, and when he is crying because he is afraid.
- He frequently gets stuck under the shelf in our living room.
Tuesday, April 8, 2014
First World Problems: Thin Privilege
Honestly, I don't know how I had never heard of this terminology until today. I stumbled across "thin privilege" on a My Fitness Pal thread, and googled it. The first hit took me to this.
As I read a handful of posts, I became more and more dismayed.
I am not a very thin person, but I can also say I am not a very large one either. I have always been uncomfortable with my weight and appearance, and recently took steps to lose weight, work out consistently, and eat healthy. I was tired all the time, and I wanted to be able to wear the clothes that I liked, and I wanted to feel beautiful and young and energetic.
While I think bullying people for being fat is wrong, and while I recognize that more and more people are obese, I wanted to point out some things that the "thin privilege" mentality promotes.
1. Entitlement. If you are obese, and find that the world is not designed to meet your specific needs, this is NOT thin privilege. Unless you are one of the two percent of people on this planet who have medical reasons for being a size 28, YOU can do something about it. I am not saying that you have to be a size zero. But, you can make a difference for yourself, instead of expecting the world to make it for you. The airplane doesn't need to provide a special seat for you. Clothing stores don't have to make sizes of clothes to fit you.
2. It's okay to be unhealthy. Your doctor telling you your weight is unhealthy and that you need to exercise more is NOT thin privilege. Generally, thin people are healthier, and experience less health problems. Obesity contributes a myriad of health problems, and it is not the job of society to solve those health problems. It is YOUR job to solve them. Unlike mental and physical handicaps, most weight problems can be solved by lifestyle choice.
3. Hating on Thin-ness. Eating disorders and hating on fat people are problems, but so is hating on thin people. The mentality that thin people have it easy because they are thin is destructive as well. Making people feel bad for losing weight and getting healthy is not okay. Some thin people work very hard to active and fit, and are very careful about what they eat. It is okay for people to LIKE being thin. And it is okay for people to work toward that goal, and if they are working toward it, they aren't shaming you with their success.
4. Unwillingness to change. If you like yourself the way you are, more power to you. But to constantly tell other people that they are fine promotes a damaging mentality that people can't change, or that they shouldn't. You can worry about your weight, and it might be wrong to nag other people about how they eat or how little they exercise. But the more that people become comfortable with severe obesity, the more health problems and weight related struggles they will face.
5. Expectation of change from others. One of the complaints of "thin privilege" is that people only find thin people attractive, or that they stereotype fat people to have specific needs. While I agree that everyone should be more accepting of people with different body types, the "take me the way I am, or get out" mentality is also extremely selfish. People are attracted to what they are attracted to, and complaining about it won't change anything.
I am all for loving yourself, but there is a happy medium. Too much weight is UNHEALTHY, as is too little. For those who struggle with weight loss, I have been where you are. But to throw up your hands and say, "I can't change. I'm fat. World, change to make me feel better about it, instead," is not the way to solve it. We can promote images of normal, healthy women and men. We can encourage exercise and healthy eating. We can campaign against bullying. But we can also do ourselves a favor, and accept that the world might not accommodate us. The end.
As I read a handful of posts, I became more and more dismayed.
I am not a very thin person, but I can also say I am not a very large one either. I have always been uncomfortable with my weight and appearance, and recently took steps to lose weight, work out consistently, and eat healthy. I was tired all the time, and I wanted to be able to wear the clothes that I liked, and I wanted to feel beautiful and young and energetic.
While I think bullying people for being fat is wrong, and while I recognize that more and more people are obese, I wanted to point out some things that the "thin privilege" mentality promotes.
1. Entitlement. If you are obese, and find that the world is not designed to meet your specific needs, this is NOT thin privilege. Unless you are one of the two percent of people on this planet who have medical reasons for being a size 28, YOU can do something about it. I am not saying that you have to be a size zero. But, you can make a difference for yourself, instead of expecting the world to make it for you. The airplane doesn't need to provide a special seat for you. Clothing stores don't have to make sizes of clothes to fit you.
2. It's okay to be unhealthy. Your doctor telling you your weight is unhealthy and that you need to exercise more is NOT thin privilege. Generally, thin people are healthier, and experience less health problems. Obesity contributes a myriad of health problems, and it is not the job of society to solve those health problems. It is YOUR job to solve them. Unlike mental and physical handicaps, most weight problems can be solved by lifestyle choice.
3. Hating on Thin-ness. Eating disorders and hating on fat people are problems, but so is hating on thin people. The mentality that thin people have it easy because they are thin is destructive as well. Making people feel bad for losing weight and getting healthy is not okay. Some thin people work very hard to active and fit, and are very careful about what they eat. It is okay for people to LIKE being thin. And it is okay for people to work toward that goal, and if they are working toward it, they aren't shaming you with their success.
4. Unwillingness to change. If you like yourself the way you are, more power to you. But to constantly tell other people that they are fine promotes a damaging mentality that people can't change, or that they shouldn't. You can worry about your weight, and it might be wrong to nag other people about how they eat or how little they exercise. But the more that people become comfortable with severe obesity, the more health problems and weight related struggles they will face.
5. Expectation of change from others. One of the complaints of "thin privilege" is that people only find thin people attractive, or that they stereotype fat people to have specific needs. While I agree that everyone should be more accepting of people with different body types, the "take me the way I am, or get out" mentality is also extremely selfish. People are attracted to what they are attracted to, and complaining about it won't change anything.
I am all for loving yourself, but there is a happy medium. Too much weight is UNHEALTHY, as is too little. For those who struggle with weight loss, I have been where you are. But to throw up your hands and say, "I can't change. I'm fat. World, change to make me feel better about it, instead," is not the way to solve it. We can promote images of normal, healthy women and men. We can encourage exercise and healthy eating. We can campaign against bullying. But we can also do ourselves a favor, and accept that the world might not accommodate us. The end.
Saturday, February 8, 2014
Materialistic Ventures
It's the hard part of being a yound-married, young-mom, with husband still in school. Money is tight. Deep down, with faith in God and a willingness to pay the tithing, you know that everything will be okay. In the long-run. In the big picture. And then you wonder how much worry you should put toward the small picture at all. Because, in the moment, the small picture matters a lot. You worry about your husband, and much work he should be balancing with his studies. You worry about your ability to bring in money, or your ability not to.
On the other hand, you are rewarded for diligently striving to be a good full-time-mom. My baby knows I am there for him. I get to play with him and feed him whenever he needs it, and be there for him when he is sick or tired or having a growth spurt. And those things are worth being strapped for cash. How can these be reconciled at all? I know there is a solution, and I am hoping that I am on the path to finding it.
However, at least with one kid at home, I have time. I have talents. Why not put them together?
It is these three basic reasons why I decided to open up an etsy shop for quilts, and baby blankets. I hope to add things like baby carriers in the near future as well. The reasons: money, staying a full-time mom, and using my talents in a fulfilling way.
The blankets on my etsy shop are comfort blankets. I will be honest, I would not have thought of making them at all if I hadn't seen my sister, Brittany, make them first. She has given me a lot of advice, and I am grateful for her wonderful example and help. The blankets are made to order from minky, plush, and satin ribbons. Babies love these blankets because they are super soft, and they never get tired of holding them, rubbing their faces in them, and even chewing on the satin binding as they get the feel of the world around them. They are not ordinary blankets, but blankets designed for a pleasurable sensory experience, security, and (obviously) cuteness. I can make them any color, any print from an ample variety of choices. Here is an example of the most recent blanket I made, currently on sale in the etsy store.
The quilts are my secret love. I love quilting. And I love babies. So why not put them together? The crib quilts are made from high-quality cotton prints, with super soft minky on the bottom. I can even make crib sheets to match the quilt! Obviously, to make it worth my time, the designs are simple. I just recently recieved an order to make one for a sailor/sailing themed room, with anchors and navy blue and white and red. It (so far) is adorable.
I have no idea if this small business venture will work. I hope it will, for the sake of my own personal fulfillment, even more than the sake of my family's financial security.
So, if you are wondering what to bring to the next baby shower, come check out my etsy shop: LittleHeroMinky and put in an order! As a thanks to people who read my blog, and are willing to support my shop, use code BLOG10 to get ten dollars off your order. :)
Wish me luck in my new venture.
On the other hand, you are rewarded for diligently striving to be a good full-time-mom. My baby knows I am there for him. I get to play with him and feed him whenever he needs it, and be there for him when he is sick or tired or having a growth spurt. And those things are worth being strapped for cash. How can these be reconciled at all? I know there is a solution, and I am hoping that I am on the path to finding it.
However, at least with one kid at home, I have time. I have talents. Why not put them together?
It is these three basic reasons why I decided to open up an etsy shop for quilts, and baby blankets. I hope to add things like baby carriers in the near future as well. The reasons: money, staying a full-time mom, and using my talents in a fulfilling way.
The blankets on my etsy shop are comfort blankets. I will be honest, I would not have thought of making them at all if I hadn't seen my sister, Brittany, make them first. She has given me a lot of advice, and I am grateful for her wonderful example and help. The blankets are made to order from minky, plush, and satin ribbons. Babies love these blankets because they are super soft, and they never get tired of holding them, rubbing their faces in them, and even chewing on the satin binding as they get the feel of the world around them. They are not ordinary blankets, but blankets designed for a pleasurable sensory experience, security, and (obviously) cuteness. I can make them any color, any print from an ample variety of choices. Here is an example of the most recent blanket I made, currently on sale in the etsy store.
The quilts are my secret love. I love quilting. And I love babies. So why not put them together? The crib quilts are made from high-quality cotton prints, with super soft minky on the bottom. I can even make crib sheets to match the quilt! Obviously, to make it worth my time, the designs are simple. I just recently recieved an order to make one for a sailor/sailing themed room, with anchors and navy blue and white and red. It (so far) is adorable.
I have no idea if this small business venture will work. I hope it will, for the sake of my own personal fulfillment, even more than the sake of my family's financial security.
So, if you are wondering what to bring to the next baby shower, come check out my etsy shop: LittleHeroMinky and put in an order! As a thanks to people who read my blog, and are willing to support my shop, use code BLOG10 to get ten dollars off your order. :)
Wish me luck in my new venture.
Friday, January 31, 2014
Casual Observations
So, I cut my hair.
I spent almost two full years growing it out. It was lovely-- thick, natural with a gentle wave, and almost down to my elbows. After seeing all the long hair styles on pinterest with the braids and sock buns and curl tutorials, I was sure that once my hair was long enough to fishtail and weave and twist, that I would be fulfilled.
And then he came. My son. My joy. My life (pretty much). And he brought a whole bunch of things with him:
1. Exhaustion. It's common knowledge that new moms are tired, so I am not going to add to the sob-story by sharing my tired sob-story. But, it may not be common knowledge what lack-of-sleep does to the long, beautiful hair. Tiredness causes my hair not be brushed for three days, not to be washed for four or five, and instead of a waterfall braid, it might be scraped (knots and all) into the low, half-falling -out, ponytail.
2. Spit up. I probably don't need to elaborate, but long hair and partially digested milk will not ever be a a good combination, unless, of course, you are into to whole dreadlocksmadewiththrowup look.
3. Sticky, strong hands. Bless my baby's soul. He has a beautiful smile, and can't even sit up on his own. So naturally, he needs comfort from mom, in the form of mom's hair. Just in case I drop him, he has his own safety net-- or rather, safety strands. Also, a fool-proof way to avoid a diaper change, and mom can't put him down without pain.
4. Worry. All girls know that hair sheds. Mine does too, and it sheds itself into the folds of my baby's skin, and hides there, making him irritable and uncomfortable. Granted, if he didn't pull it so much there wouldn't be that much of a problem, but oh well.
So I went to the salon, flipped my lovely, mocha milk chocolate hair over my shoulder (I washed it before I went, just to spare the stylist), and said, "Take it all off."
"All?" (Eyes my hair with envy and longing).
"Yes," I reply. "Shorter than a bob, and longer than a pixie cut, if you would."
And she did. I am twenty-three. And I officially have mom-hair.
I spent almost two full years growing it out. It was lovely-- thick, natural with a gentle wave, and almost down to my elbows. After seeing all the long hair styles on pinterest with the braids and sock buns and curl tutorials, I was sure that once my hair was long enough to fishtail and weave and twist, that I would be fulfilled.
And then he came. My son. My joy. My life (pretty much). And he brought a whole bunch of things with him:
1. Exhaustion. It's common knowledge that new moms are tired, so I am not going to add to the sob-story by sharing my tired sob-story. But, it may not be common knowledge what lack-of-sleep does to the long, beautiful hair. Tiredness causes my hair not be brushed for three days, not to be washed for four or five, and instead of a waterfall braid, it might be scraped (knots and all) into the low, half-falling -out, ponytail.
2. Spit up. I probably don't need to elaborate, but long hair and partially digested milk will not ever be a a good combination, unless, of course, you are into to whole dreadlocksmadewiththrowup look.
3. Sticky, strong hands. Bless my baby's soul. He has a beautiful smile, and can't even sit up on his own. So naturally, he needs comfort from mom, in the form of mom's hair. Just in case I drop him, he has his own safety net-- or rather, safety strands. Also, a fool-proof way to avoid a diaper change, and mom can't put him down without pain.
4. Worry. All girls know that hair sheds. Mine does too, and it sheds itself into the folds of my baby's skin, and hides there, making him irritable and uncomfortable. Granted, if he didn't pull it so much there wouldn't be that much of a problem, but oh well.
So I went to the salon, flipped my lovely, mocha milk chocolate hair over my shoulder (I washed it before I went, just to spare the stylist), and said, "Take it all off."
"All?" (Eyes my hair with envy and longing).
"Yes," I reply. "Shorter than a bob, and longer than a pixie cut, if you would."
And she did. I am twenty-three. And I officially have mom-hair.
Saturday, October 12, 2013
A Birth Story
Well, I didn't anticipate having so much time in the hospital before being able to go home, or having a baby who is asleep all the time. And so, what better way to pass the time than by writing out the birth story of our son while it is still fresh in my mind.
Tennyson Scott Allen was born at 1:56 AM on October 12, 2013. He weighed 10 pounds, 7 ounces and was 21 and a half inches long.
I woke up at five on the morning of the eleventh of October, and quickly realized that I was leaking amniotic fluid in copious amounts. Although they advise you to go the hospital right away if this happens, I wanted to give myself a few hours, just in case contractions started on their own, because I really wanted to avoid being induced. I went for a walk with my husband, and tried to clean my house, but I was really distracted by the fact that my baby might be coming that day, and that kept on distracting me from doing much of anything, although I did get some dishes done.
By around noon, contractions seemed pretty regular but not very intense. So, we packed up our hospital bags and got to the hospital around one. They checked me in, and on the monitor it said my contractions were three minutes apart. The nurse did a check, and told me that I was 4 centimeters and 90% effaced. I was happy to hear that, but I still had tons of energy and wanted to go outside. We gave them our birth plan, and then we put on bracelets and went outside for a long walk. Our nurse was TOTALLY supportive of our birth plan, and monitored the first five hours of labor with a fetal doppler so that I could labor in the tub, or move or walk around. I was able to manage the pain very well by using my Hypnobirthing techniques: my husband doing massage as we watched a show together, listening to the rainbow relaxation script, and by changing positions every so often. I was even allowed to stay in my own clothes during the whole labor and recovery.
However, labor quickly escalated, and it becoming very intense. There was severe back pain, and when the midwife arrived, a quick check showed that I had progressed one centimeter, and that the baby was in posterior position, meaning that ever excruciating contraction was getting me nowhere. Still, I was determined to stay relaxed, and labored in the tub, in the shower, on the birthing ball, and listen to my positive birth affirmations. However, after another two hours or back labor, and no progression, I was starting to lose my determination, because I was feeling like all my positive concentration and preparation for natural birthing was for nothing. I decided that I would not make any choices during a contraction. However, I realized that I may hours and hours or posterior labor ahead (since the baby had little fluid left to turn in). After a prayer with my husband, and several on my own, I decided to get an epidural. I was impressed with my midwife, who was focussed on helping me to stay true to my birthing plan. She did not push medication on me at all, and allowed the decision to be entirely that or me and my birthing partner. At first I felt badly because I felt I had betrayed my birth plan and hypnobirthing training. However, I realized that I had done a substantial amount to birth without fear, and hypnobirthing helped me to focus my energy on what was best for my baby, and to listen to my body. I could make an informed decision because of my preparation, and I could relax about my decision, accepting this turn in my birth plan that I didn't expect.
The epidural was placed, and almost instantly, the back pain was relieved. However, it was clear after an hour, that the epidural hadn't been placed well, as only half my body was numb. After several more shots of progressively more aggressive pain killers, a different anesthesiologist took out the old one and put a new one in. The decision to get an epidural and to have the first one replaced turned out to be inspired. It just goes to show that all mothers have the intuition to do what is best when comes to their labor and birth, and can trust themselves and their instincts.
After the pain was relieved, I easily progressed from a five to a ten in less than three hours. But the baby was still posterior, and was not dropping because of his position. My midwife tried several natural methods to help turn the baby with body positioning, but he was stubborn and none of them were very successful. When I reached a ten, she left me alone for an hour to help the baby drop and for me to rest before pushing would begin. Finally, she contacted the OB who was on call and he came and manually turned the baby by reaching up into the uterus and turning him with his hand. Without an epidural, this procedure would not have been viable, and my baby would have been stuck and stressed by consistently stronger contractions. After he was turned, the baby instantly dropped, and I could begin pushing. By this point, the epidural was wearing off enough that I could push my baby with my contraction. I wanted to avoid tearing and an episiotomy, so I was careful. However, the epidural makes pushing more difficult, so my husband guided me to push through my contractions, while the midwife helped me to know when and how long to push.
My choice to get an epidural was also validated, when after an hour of pushing, the baby came out. It was such a powerful moment! As soon as it happened, I started to tear up and said, "Oh my gosh I just had a baby!" I wanted to hold him and look at him, and make sure he was okay. Clark cut the cord, and my placenta came out no problem within minutes.
I was sure my perineum was still intact. However, Tennyson was 10 and half pounds! I have a small body, and even though I was spared muscular tearing, all of the fine tissue in the vagina had been torn and shredded by the pressure of the baby's head. I was bleeding a lot, and a surgeon came and stitched up all the internal tears. I was silently grateful that I had not felt that tearing, and that he could stitch me up quickly without losing too much blood because I was already numb. The instant I saw my baby, I knew we had done the right thing. He was having trouble breathing because of fluid in his lungs, and there was meconium present. If labor had gone on much longer than it did, he might have been in trouble. We had our skin to skin moment, and after some coaxing, he began to breathe properly, coughing up mucous and fluid. Then I tried to teach him how to breast feed, which took a while. He had the instinct to suck, but would suck on his tongue instead of the nipple. But, after about half an hour, we got a good latch and he has been improving ever since.
The hospital continued to honor my birth plan, delaying bathing and letting us be present for all baby care practices. Our son was just perfect, on the large side, but worth every effort that we had put into his growth and his labor. I love my birth story, and I am grateful for all of the choices available to women when it comes to their labor and birth.
Tennyson Scott Allen was born at 1:56 AM on October 12, 2013. He weighed 10 pounds, 7 ounces and was 21 and a half inches long.
I woke up at five on the morning of the eleventh of October, and quickly realized that I was leaking amniotic fluid in copious amounts. Although they advise you to go the hospital right away if this happens, I wanted to give myself a few hours, just in case contractions started on their own, because I really wanted to avoid being induced. I went for a walk with my husband, and tried to clean my house, but I was really distracted by the fact that my baby might be coming that day, and that kept on distracting me from doing much of anything, although I did get some dishes done.
By around noon, contractions seemed pretty regular but not very intense. So, we packed up our hospital bags and got to the hospital around one. They checked me in, and on the monitor it said my contractions were three minutes apart. The nurse did a check, and told me that I was 4 centimeters and 90% effaced. I was happy to hear that, but I still had tons of energy and wanted to go outside. We gave them our birth plan, and then we put on bracelets and went outside for a long walk. Our nurse was TOTALLY supportive of our birth plan, and monitored the first five hours of labor with a fetal doppler so that I could labor in the tub, or move or walk around. I was able to manage the pain very well by using my Hypnobirthing techniques: my husband doing massage as we watched a show together, listening to the rainbow relaxation script, and by changing positions every so often. I was even allowed to stay in my own clothes during the whole labor and recovery.
However, labor quickly escalated, and it becoming very intense. There was severe back pain, and when the midwife arrived, a quick check showed that I had progressed one centimeter, and that the baby was in posterior position, meaning that ever excruciating contraction was getting me nowhere. Still, I was determined to stay relaxed, and labored in the tub, in the shower, on the birthing ball, and listen to my positive birth affirmations. However, after another two hours or back labor, and no progression, I was starting to lose my determination, because I was feeling like all my positive concentration and preparation for natural birthing was for nothing. I decided that I would not make any choices during a contraction. However, I realized that I may hours and hours or posterior labor ahead (since the baby had little fluid left to turn in). After a prayer with my husband, and several on my own, I decided to get an epidural. I was impressed with my midwife, who was focussed on helping me to stay true to my birthing plan. She did not push medication on me at all, and allowed the decision to be entirely that or me and my birthing partner. At first I felt badly because I felt I had betrayed my birth plan and hypnobirthing training. However, I realized that I had done a substantial amount to birth without fear, and hypnobirthing helped me to focus my energy on what was best for my baby, and to listen to my body. I could make an informed decision because of my preparation, and I could relax about my decision, accepting this turn in my birth plan that I didn't expect.
The epidural was placed, and almost instantly, the back pain was relieved. However, it was clear after an hour, that the epidural hadn't been placed well, as only half my body was numb. After several more shots of progressively more aggressive pain killers, a different anesthesiologist took out the old one and put a new one in. The decision to get an epidural and to have the first one replaced turned out to be inspired. It just goes to show that all mothers have the intuition to do what is best when comes to their labor and birth, and can trust themselves and their instincts.
After the pain was relieved, I easily progressed from a five to a ten in less than three hours. But the baby was still posterior, and was not dropping because of his position. My midwife tried several natural methods to help turn the baby with body positioning, but he was stubborn and none of them were very successful. When I reached a ten, she left me alone for an hour to help the baby drop and for me to rest before pushing would begin. Finally, she contacted the OB who was on call and he came and manually turned the baby by reaching up into the uterus and turning him with his hand. Without an epidural, this procedure would not have been viable, and my baby would have been stuck and stressed by consistently stronger contractions. After he was turned, the baby instantly dropped, and I could begin pushing. By this point, the epidural was wearing off enough that I could push my baby with my contraction. I wanted to avoid tearing and an episiotomy, so I was careful. However, the epidural makes pushing more difficult, so my husband guided me to push through my contractions, while the midwife helped me to know when and how long to push.
My choice to get an epidural was also validated, when after an hour of pushing, the baby came out. It was such a powerful moment! As soon as it happened, I started to tear up and said, "Oh my gosh I just had a baby!" I wanted to hold him and look at him, and make sure he was okay. Clark cut the cord, and my placenta came out no problem within minutes.
I was sure my perineum was still intact. However, Tennyson was 10 and half pounds! I have a small body, and even though I was spared muscular tearing, all of the fine tissue in the vagina had been torn and shredded by the pressure of the baby's head. I was bleeding a lot, and a surgeon came and stitched up all the internal tears. I was silently grateful that I had not felt that tearing, and that he could stitch me up quickly without losing too much blood because I was already numb. The instant I saw my baby, I knew we had done the right thing. He was having trouble breathing because of fluid in his lungs, and there was meconium present. If labor had gone on much longer than it did, he might have been in trouble. We had our skin to skin moment, and after some coaxing, he began to breathe properly, coughing up mucous and fluid. Then I tried to teach him how to breast feed, which took a while. He had the instinct to suck, but would suck on his tongue instead of the nipple. But, after about half an hour, we got a good latch and he has been improving ever since.
The hospital continued to honor my birth plan, delaying bathing and letting us be present for all baby care practices. Our son was just perfect, on the large side, but worth every effort that we had put into his growth and his labor. I love my birth story, and I am grateful for all of the choices available to women when it comes to their labor and birth.
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