And they said she was classy...

so... I have been pouring my blood, sweat and (I am ashamed to admit it) tears into a wonderful land. This land is known as the world of Classic Landscapes. Yes it is a company. Yes... we work long hours and operate skid steers and shovel rocks and dirt and slap mosquitoes all day.

But, as one of my coworkers has so eloquently stated, You have to be classy in order to work at Classic.

So I have compiled a list.

This is the list of steps that must be taken to be Classic-ly classy:

1. You must look at least somewhat presentable dirty. Dirt gets everywhere. And it usually doesn't come out. So... Get used to the dirt, because it'll be on you for a while.

2. You must tan. But, this tan cannot be without glaring obvious tan lines in the following areas: a sock line (white feet), a neck line (brown neck, white back), a glove line (white hands) and last, but certainly not least: The Classic Farmer's Tan.

3. You must have the ability to eat relatively the same thing every day. And, the classiest of these meals: veggie alphabet soup-- straight from the can. Pack two cans and your can opener, and its almost like a granola bar. Just eat and toss the wrapper in the dumpster (we're way too classy for garbage cans).

4. You must be redundant, disorganized, and inefficient. In that order. Everything must be said at least three times. And don't bother asking very intelligent questions... no one will answer you. But, ask a stupid one, and somebody will be right there to tell you why that was stupid question.

5. You must master the art of speaking over walkie talkies. Of course, talking when someone else is is the most classy option. Nothing says class like a bunch of garbled static when two people try to speak at the same time on a group radio channel. Always say things twice, just to make sure you were heard-- and don't forget, classy people always shout things into the radio.

6. You must always look less smart than you are. Don't bother to take the time to tell customers and other co-workers that you are really a pre-med student or going into law. That really takes classy points off of your tally. This isn't brain surgery-- it's landscaping. Everyone knows more than you-- let them at least think that you have class.

Six fail safe ways to a classy life. You know, I love my job.