Slow Internet and Other Irritants

You know what is interesting about the poem that inspired the title of my blog? "Birches," by Robert Frost talks about both the high and the low points in life, where sometimes you're shattering diamonds as you spring from the earth in exultant joy, but eventually, you have to come down again to earth.

Today is a coming down to earth day. I really have no reason to be in this coming down mood, but I am. There are just days. Acne days. No food in the cupboard days. Not enough money for rent days. Not enough sleep days. Nothing good to read days. Nobody to talk to days. Nobody listening to me days. Ironically, lots of these sentences begin with "No."

I learned in my philosophy class that we define our humanity by the negative. We see ourselves, and our values, in comparison to what they are not. We see light, for example, as "not dark". But honestly, I had trouble with that idea, because it would mean that all of those days of "No," actually define who I am as a person, instead of days filled with "yes." The kind of person I am on "No" days is someone I don't like very much. But it is my "no" days that make me really appreciate my friends and their patience with me.

Cuz they know the thing I need to most is someone there to tell me that I am good enough, to talk to about things, and just stay with me until I feel better about the state of the world. These friends keep me from dissolving into ridiculous tears and fears-- they keep me sane. They listen to the list of complaints I have about why life is lame: I don't want to clean my room, no one remembered anything I told them, I'm tired of eating and wish I didn't have to be hungry, I hate being alone, I wish I could sleep, I'm afraid of bears, I can't concentrate, I never win when I play Mariokart, I hate dirty bathrooms... you know. Negative stuff. On "no" days, these bug me, when usually they don't.

So happy friends, thanks for dealing. Tomorrow should be a "yes" day.

All I can say now is... why is the internet so slow?

Day of Green

So, yesterday was a rock climbing day.

I say it that way to make it sound like I go rock climbing all the time and this is the first time I've ever mentioned it. Well, my last rock climbing day was over a year ago-- actually pretty close to two years ago. So... yeah.

But I was a belayer for the first time-- which actually is both easier and harder than it looks. It makes my arms really tired, and makes me so grateful for those dads that would come to summer camp and belay all day for the hordes of girls who wanted to climb that open cliff face. I only did it... maybe five times, but it made my arms really tired of always pulling that rope through.

Climbing has always been an interesting experience for me-- pulling yourself up a wall, thinking about where the strongest handholds will be, trusting your feet to stand on one little rounded rock while pulling with both arms to get to the next one. I am always grateful at these moments of physical challenge because it makes me grateful to my body-- I know that must sound strange. But, it's as if my body is somehow separate from me, and we are two things working together, but I'm enjoying it while my body is doing the work. And so, I have a fond gratitude that it lets me do these things to it, and frankly, sometimes I get amazed that it does those things.

Hope I'm not too weird for ya.

Give A Little More

Today was a day of blessings.

1. The due date of my paper was extended.

2. I finally got groceries.

3. My favorite yogurt was on sale.

4. I caught up on sleep.

5. I found the motivation to clean my room.

6. I spent time with my best friend, Clark.

7. I was able to help at least five people.

8. I didn't lose my keys even once.

9. My bike was fixed.

10. The fridge is clean.

11. I stayed awake in both my classes.

12. I felt peace as I read from my scriptures.

13. The weather is warm and beautiful.

14. Someone gave me a ride to campus so I didn't have to walk.

15. I felt true empathy for someone else's problems.

16. I had a delicious dinner.

17. I saw some daffodils growing.

18. I saw someone who I haven't seen in a long time.

19. I still had time to read Harry Potter.

20. I have a wonderful life.

Raindrops Keep Falling On My Head

Unfortunately, however, they are not raindrops they are snow-drops--- and not the flower kind. Snow, snow, snow.

Snow brings good things. Things like sledding, or skating, or ... making snow people with silly faces. If it is the kind of snow that lends itself to activities like sledding, skating, or snow-people making. This snow is not the happy, fluffy, stay-on-the-ground-until-spring kind of snow. It's the freezing snow-- the snow that makes ice as it hits the ground. The kind that melts halfway through the day and comes again the next day instead of just deciding where it wants to be.

This could be a reflection on March-- you have already heard my sentiments on that score. It could also be that because I had to get up early in the morning (3 AM) to clear said snow and ice, I may be harbouring less-than-friendly thoughts toward it at the moment.

So tired.