Well, I didn't anticipate having so much time in the hospital before being able to go home, or having a baby who is asleep all the time. And so, what better way to pass the time than by writing out the birth story of our son while it is still fresh in my mind.
Tennyson Scott Allen was born at 1:56 AM on October 12, 2013. He weighed 10 pounds, 7 ounces and was 21 and a half inches long.
I woke up at five on the morning of the eleventh of October, and quickly realized that I was leaking amniotic fluid in copious amounts. Although they advise you to go the hospital right away if this happens, I wanted to give myself a few hours, just in case contractions started on their own, because I really wanted to avoid being induced. I went for a walk with my husband, and tried to clean my house, but I was really distracted by the fact that my baby might be coming that day, and that kept on distracting me from doing much of anything, although I did get some dishes done.
By around noon, contractions seemed pretty regular but not very intense. So, we packed up our hospital bags and got to the hospital around one. They checked me in, and on the monitor it said my contractions were three minutes apart. The nurse did a check, and told me that I was 4 centimeters and 90% effaced. I was happy to hear that, but I still had tons of energy and wanted to go outside. We gave them our birth plan, and then we put on bracelets and went outside for a long walk. Our nurse was TOTALLY supportive of our birth plan, and monitored the first five hours of labor with a fetal doppler so that I could labor in the tub, or move or walk around. I was able to manage the pain very well by using my Hypnobirthing techniques: my husband doing massage as we watched a show together, listening to the rainbow relaxation script, and by changing positions every so often. I was even allowed to stay in my own clothes during the whole labor and recovery.
However, labor quickly escalated, and it becoming very intense. There was severe back pain, and when the midwife arrived, a quick check showed that I had progressed one centimeter, and that the baby was in posterior position, meaning that ever excruciating contraction was getting me nowhere. Still, I was determined to stay relaxed, and labored in the tub, in the shower, on the birthing ball, and listen to my positive birth affirmations. However, after another two hours or back labor, and no progression, I was starting to lose my determination, because I was feeling like all my positive concentration and preparation for natural birthing was for nothing. I decided that I would not make any choices during a contraction. However, I realized that I may hours and hours or posterior labor ahead (since the baby had little fluid left to turn in). After a prayer with my husband, and several on my own, I decided to get an epidural. I was impressed with my midwife, who was focussed on helping me to stay true to my birthing plan. She did not push medication on me at all, and allowed the decision to be entirely that or me and my birthing partner. At first I felt badly because I felt I had betrayed my birth plan and hypnobirthing training. However, I realized that I had done a substantial amount to birth without fear, and hypnobirthing helped me to focus my energy on what was best for my baby, and to listen to my body. I could make an informed decision because of my preparation, and I could relax about my decision, accepting this turn in my birth plan that I didn't expect.
The epidural was placed, and almost instantly, the back pain was relieved. However, it was clear after an hour, that the epidural hadn't been placed well, as only half my body was numb. After several more shots of progressively more aggressive pain killers, a different anesthesiologist took out the old one and put a new one in. The decision to get an epidural and to have the first one replaced turned out to be inspired. It just goes to show that all mothers have the intuition to do what is best when comes to their labor and birth, and can trust themselves and their instincts.
After the pain was relieved, I easily progressed from a five to a ten in less than three hours. But the baby was still posterior, and was not dropping because of his position. My midwife tried several natural methods to help turn the baby with body positioning, but he was stubborn and none of them were very successful. When I reached a ten, she left me alone for an hour to help the baby drop and for me to rest before pushing would begin. Finally, she contacted the OB who was on call and he came and manually turned the baby by reaching up into the uterus and turning him with his hand. Without an epidural, this procedure would not have been viable, and my baby would have been stuck and stressed by consistently stronger contractions. After he was turned, the baby instantly dropped, and I could begin pushing. By this point, the epidural was wearing off enough that I could push my baby with my contraction. I wanted to avoid tearing and an episiotomy, so I was careful. However, the epidural makes pushing more difficult, so my husband guided me to push through my contractions, while the midwife helped me to know when and how long to push.
My choice to get an epidural was also validated, when after an hour of pushing, the baby came out. It was such a powerful moment! As soon as it happened, I started to tear up and said, "Oh my gosh I just had a baby!" I wanted to hold him and look at him, and make sure he was okay. Clark cut the cord, and my placenta came out no problem within minutes.
I was sure my perineum was still intact. However, Tennyson was 10 and half pounds! I have a small body, and even though I was spared muscular tearing, all of the fine tissue in the vagina had been torn and shredded by the pressure of the baby's head. I was bleeding a lot, and a surgeon came and stitched up all the internal tears. I was silently grateful that I had not felt that tearing, and that he could stitch me up quickly without losing too much blood because I was already numb. The instant I saw my baby, I knew we had done the right thing. He was having trouble breathing because of fluid in his lungs, and there was meconium present. If labor had gone on much longer than it did, he might have been in trouble. We had our skin to skin moment, and after some coaxing, he began to breathe properly, coughing up mucous and fluid. Then I tried to teach him how to breast feed, which took a while. He had the instinct to suck, but would suck on his tongue instead of the nipple. But, after about half an hour, we got a good latch and he has been improving ever since.
The hospital continued to honor my birth plan, delaying bathing and letting us be present for all baby care practices. Our son was just perfect, on the large side, but worth every effort that we had put into his growth and his labor. I love my birth story, and I am grateful for all of the choices available to women when it comes to their labor and birth.
Saturday, October 12, 2013
Tuesday, October 8, 2013
Nine Things To Think About When Talking To Pregnant People
Okay. So I am 39 and a half weeks pregnant. For those who don't know what that means, it means that I am VERY pregnant and the baby could come any day. I have a theory: God gave us pregnancy to help us cultivate the patience needed to have and raise a kid. Just a theory. However, I think it can be supported by this observation: you really have to wait. A long time. And not just to meet your bundle of joy. But to be done with sore legs and skin hurting because it is being stretched too tight, and random pains, and walking so slowly that snails outstrip you when you go out for your daily waddle. A woman who is pregnant deals with a lot. Which is fine. In fact, most days I am proud of myself. I am growing a person, for goodness' sake. But seriously, the thing that is hardest to deal with is people.
So all those who have pregnant friends, or see a pregnant person on the street, give ear. I don't know if this is true for every pregnant woman, but it is true for me.
1. Refrain from asking, "Have you had the baby yet?" Especially in person. Because, CLEARLY, I haven't. The belly is still there, and my arms are still not holding that something the size of a loaf of bread.
2. Please stop asking when I am due. Did you know that only 3-4% of women have babies on their actual "due" date? Asking me when I am due stresses me out, because I am trying not to think about it. It makes me impatient. It makes me feel like I am being put on a schedule. Women really have a due month. An exact date does nothing. False hope.
3. Talk to me about something other than my pregnancy. I am still me. I still have thoughts, hobbies, talents, and enjoy doing things with my friends. I know it is hard to ignore, but seriously, sometimes, ignore the bump and just talk to me. About life. Politics. That weird funny movie you saw last week.
4. I love it when people offer to help me out. It makes me feel like people are thinking about me, and that I can count on them. The last few weeks of pregnancy are really hard, both emotionally and physically, and sometimes, it is super difficult to function. So thank you.
5. Don't suggest or veto names. Even if the name is horrible, even if you feel like the child will be condemned to a life of shame. Because only the baby's parents' opinion really matters when it comes to choosing names. Either pretend to like the name they like, or simply nod and tell them that you are super excited for them.
6. Pregnant people are sometimes hypocrites. We want to go about life as normal, and want people to treat us just the same, because pregnancy isn't a disease. Until something DOES go wrong, and then we feel like people should just intuitively know that we can't do it, because obviously, we're pregnant.
7. Cravings are real. Not in the same way people crave chocolate, but often, there really is only one thing that sounds good. And it usually isn't saltines.
8. Emotions are real. Sure pregnancy puts you on a lovely hormonal roller-coaster, but in the moment, emotions are real. Treat them real.
9. We love our babies and will try to do the best for them. Advice is nice. Gifts are nice. Both are appreciated. But ultimately, the mom is the one who tries to do what is best for baby. Be positive. If she is breast feeding, support her. If she chooses to bottle feed, support her. If she is trying to have a natural, unmedicated birth, BE POSITIVE. Support her. If she fails, don't say "I told you so," but tell her she has a lovely son or daughter, and support her. Judgement is for judges or Jesus. If you aren't either of those, just don't do it.
So all those who have pregnant friends, or see a pregnant person on the street, give ear. I don't know if this is true for every pregnant woman, but it is true for me.
1. Refrain from asking, "Have you had the baby yet?" Especially in person. Because, CLEARLY, I haven't. The belly is still there, and my arms are still not holding that something the size of a loaf of bread.
2. Please stop asking when I am due. Did you know that only 3-4% of women have babies on their actual "due" date? Asking me when I am due stresses me out, because I am trying not to think about it. It makes me impatient. It makes me feel like I am being put on a schedule. Women really have a due month. An exact date does nothing. False hope.
3. Talk to me about something other than my pregnancy. I am still me. I still have thoughts, hobbies, talents, and enjoy doing things with my friends. I know it is hard to ignore, but seriously, sometimes, ignore the bump and just talk to me. About life. Politics. That weird funny movie you saw last week.
4. I love it when people offer to help me out. It makes me feel like people are thinking about me, and that I can count on them. The last few weeks of pregnancy are really hard, both emotionally and physically, and sometimes, it is super difficult to function. So thank you.
5. Don't suggest or veto names. Even if the name is horrible, even if you feel like the child will be condemned to a life of shame. Because only the baby's parents' opinion really matters when it comes to choosing names. Either pretend to like the name they like, or simply nod and tell them that you are super excited for them.
6. Pregnant people are sometimes hypocrites. We want to go about life as normal, and want people to treat us just the same, because pregnancy isn't a disease. Until something DOES go wrong, and then we feel like people should just intuitively know that we can't do it, because obviously, we're pregnant.
7. Cravings are real. Not in the same way people crave chocolate, but often, there really is only one thing that sounds good. And it usually isn't saltines.
8. Emotions are real. Sure pregnancy puts you on a lovely hormonal roller-coaster, but in the moment, emotions are real. Treat them real.
9. We love our babies and will try to do the best for them. Advice is nice. Gifts are nice. Both are appreciated. But ultimately, the mom is the one who tries to do what is best for baby. Be positive. If she is breast feeding, support her. If she chooses to bottle feed, support her. If she is trying to have a natural, unmedicated birth, BE POSITIVE. Support her. If she fails, don't say "I told you so," but tell her she has a lovely son or daughter, and support her. Judgement is for judges or Jesus. If you aren't either of those, just don't do it.
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