Slightly Sobering Trains

Yesterday... or rather, for the pat few yesterdays, I have had a developing train of thought. To describe it will take some self-depriciation, so I hope, if anyone reads my blog, that they might forgive me for it.

As you probably know by now, I'm in Berlin. Germany. It's a land and a city that is constantly contending with its past-- moving from what it was, but trying to find an identity of what it is.

On my way home a few nights ago, I was talking to a friend about our Father in Heaven-- and why we choose to do what he asks of us. Keep the sabbath day holy, not to steal or cheat, to bridle your passions, to love others, keep your language clean, studying scriptures, going to church, prayer. I know the reasons why I do it.

Somehow, the struggling identity of this huge city and those ideas were related to me. Berlin, to be frank, seemed to present before me the true embracing of our century with things that are immoral and godless. Parties and drinking and pornography and homosexuality-- not one person, but scores and scores of them.

Sometimes, as I would walk by a group of people, or as I would sit beside a heavily intoxicated person on the U-bahn, I would silently wonder to myself what they would think of how I live. What Heavenly Father thinks of them. And then this sobering thought-- What Heavenly Father thinks of me, immersed in them.

I have always kept most standards I believe to be issued by Divinity, simply because they were issued by Divinity. People might think that somehow not having answers is blind obedience. It isn't really. I know the Lord well enough to know that he always leads me to a good place. And he always allows me to follow with my eyes open. That was always enough for me-- at least on most things.

But he also, recently, has opened my eyes to the importance of what he asks. Maybe in Utah-- or even in Edmonton, I didn't really understand the extent of the power of the adversary over the children of men. As I walk the streets of this big city, I see now more than ever, the need we have for a God. The need for people to know his love for them, and his beautiful plan of salvation. And even those principles that filter down from that-- things like self-sufficientcy, honesty, simple concern for the well-being of others. I would first be filled with sorrow with what I see, and then I would be filled with more resolve to change.

Because this is what I thought of next.

Some person, like Enoch, or even our Savior-- coming to our church, to our homes, and to our schools, institutes, seminaries, and what have you-- and feeling the same way that I feel when I walk the streets of Berlin. Enoch maybe opening his eyes and seeing how much more we need to understand, to know, to feel. To become ever more profricient in personal scripture study, in prayer, in modesty, in faith. To master emotions, contention, and talents.

And then I realize that I am no better than Berlin. Struggling with my past and creating for myself some identity for the future. If I work with the Lord, well, then, I know that his identity will hopefully become mine. May I never be content until I know that inside myself, there is a clean swept street in the Kingdom of God.