Oh, you ever get those days where you have soooo much to do-- and your body just doesn't want to do it? My body is saying: rest, just rest. But my brain is teeming with all the things that I need to do-- and dwelling on the little time I have to it. Oh classes with required attendance, sometimes there are more important things than attending you. Lately, things have been blissful at our apartment. Shineah got engaged! and she was here when it happened. I couldn't be more happy for her or for AJ, her fiance. :) Yay for love. We also have been having a cold spell-- I don't know why nature feels she has to rain every day. but here you have it. I just want time to move faster. I want finals to be done, work to be over, and germany to start, so that I can enjoy it and then come home to my dear, Jake. Sadly, that also means I want summer to be over before it begins. Crazy. I love summer. I think about the day to day tasks-- especially the ones involving a certain chemistry class, and I entertain the idea of what my life would be life without chemistry. Oh! such a pleasing and peaceful thought!

It seems only prudent today, given the extensive use of my blog, to explain the title. You see, in case you haven't noticed, I love literature. A lot. I have some favorite pieces, like any lit lover. Among them is the poem "Birches" by Robert Frost. Everybody has heard of Frost-- two roads diverged in a yellow wood-- you know. But not enough people have heard of birches.
Allow me now, to share this poem with you. It's a bit long, so I will put the last part, which is my favorite.

So was I once myself a swinger of birches.
It's when I'm weary fo considerations.
And life is too much like a pathless wood
Where your face burns and tickles with the cobwebs
Broken across it, and one eye is weeping
From a twig's having lashed across it open.
I'd like to get away from earth for a while
And then come back to it and begin over.
May no fate willfully misunderstand me
And half grant what I wish and wisk me away
Not to return. Earth's the right place for love:
I don't know where it's likely to go better.
I'd like to go by climbing a birch tree,
And climb black branches up a snow white trunk
Toward heaven, till the tree could bear no more,
But dipped its top and set me down again.
That would be both going and coming back.
One could do worse than to be a swinger of birches.

Lovely.

You know the old saying where you always want what you can't have?
Well, today, I wanted ice-cream.
I love ice-cream. So sweet, and creamy and delicious (and so much better tasing in America than Canada). I love trying new flavors and putting hot fudge on it.
And, I am lactose intolerant.
But, I simply decided that the pleasure was worth more than the consequence (not a good attitude to have, by the way) and ate.
But, I know what the consequence will be. A churning stomach. Not to mention the smattering of red spots on my usually beautifully clear skin.

I love flowers.

This post may or may not be slightly sappy. Spoiler alert: sappiness will occur.

I came home after kind of a rough morning and I decided to catch up on some school work that I was behind in. I was very tired from the night before and wanted nothing more than to rest, and cut class for the rest of the day.
I laid down, and there was a loud knock at the door. I didn't want to answer it, so I ignored it. My roommate answered. A minute later, she appears in my room holding a gorgeous flower arrangement (gerbera daisies-- one of my favorite flowers). I opened the card, and they were sent to me by the guy I am dating. He lives in Maryland right now. I was so surprised, and my day took a significant upturn.
A slice of life-- and a good one. But I realized how petty my earlier mood had been, and I worked hard for the rest of the day to try and brighten the day of others. If only I had felt the inclination to do so without having to be reminded how important it was.
But it was a beautiful reminder.

Where do emotions come from? I swear I felt them all today- irritation, fear, stress, joy, love, jealousy, happiness, calm, content... you name it. You think my body would just pick one emotion and say, "Body, today your emotion is ____." and life would be so easy.
I guess Humans are reactive. That's what makes us interesting. We can change how we feel. We can love how we feel. We can even feel things about how we feel. Have you ever considered how much of a miracle it is to feel?
Today I got to talk with somebody who I care about. You ever feel like you see fulfilled just by having them there-- knowing you could say something and they will hear you, the comfort of the thought, but not really having to talk? That is why I realized why emotions and feelings are so wonderful. Even the bad ones: anger and hurt and irritation, become indicators of how much we care for others. The show how invested we are in something wonderful. They make us believe the best in people.
So, yay for feelings. Don't be afraid to let them show.

so... today I made cinnamon rolls. I really don't think there is anything more satisfying than seeing those rolls-- perfectly risen and leaking with hot cinnamon sugary goodness, on the counter, just waiting to be slathered in cream cheese frosting.
Baking is the stress reliever of my life. I take out my frustrations while kneading the dough and I stir my thoughts into the sauces and flatten out my fears and anxieties with the rolling pin. The bigger the project, the more I am in need of some great time to think, and to learn more about myself, and think about ways that I can be better... do things better. Plus, looking at the end result, and seeing the faces of the people I give it away to-- it just makes everything seem a whole lot simpler.

Do you ever get experiences where you are suddenly caught off guard with how different you are acting than normal? Where you wake up everyday unstressed, with a smile on your face, with a laugh in your heart, and the sun is shining even when it is pounding rain?

I feel like that now.

I think it might be because it is finally warm out. And it is staying light out longer. And I have made some new friends. And... I have no idea why, but I don't think I have ever wished for spring to come faster than I wished for it this year. Winter and I simply had a falling out. We were not friends this year. Winter gave me my birthday... gave me Christmas, and sapped my energy and plunged me into a feeling of complete melancholy. No thank you. I will take green. I will take sun. I will take rain and sunshine and daffodils and tulips and grass and dirt and birds and baby ducks and easter... oh the good things. The good good things.

Cue smile here.

Okay I have been slothful in keeping the slices of life coming. Sorry.
Today I was in the most FANTASTIC mood. I don't know if it was because it is spring, and I could see the green grass growing, or if I was just simply on cloud nine for no reason at all, but I woke up this morning with a song in my heart, and a huge smile on my face. I couldn't stop making jokes and I listened to several "happy" songs on my i-pod. I just couldn't stop the feeling. Today there is no news, but I am just so happy to be alive.
Oh wait there is one bit of news. I finally bought my ticket to Berlin. It's official now. I'm going. ... EEE!

Might I just put a plug on my blog for books. I know, I know, I have a blog in addition to this one entirely devoted to the love of books and the English language. But might I just (PLEASE) encourage all to read. Today I was feeling quite sick, and so ended up giving up on class before it began (the fever and the watering eyes finally won out). And so I read.
One of my favorite books is "Life of Pi". It's simply wonderful. And I love the argument it makes about believing in God. Far from what is right or wrong, he simply argues that why would anybody give up on the beauty that religion and miracles and ritual and symbolism give. Why would they choose to trust in "dry, yeastless factuality" and willfully miss the better story?
God is the better story. A more beautiful way to view the miracle of life.
I have been thinking about this idea a lot, and how it can help you to always see the good. Even if things don't necessarily agree with you, you can still find something positive about them. Looking for the good-- something I learned from a book.

Might I just express my deep love for sleep? It is only when you don't have enough sleep that you realize-- man I wish I was better friends with my bed.

Similarities between bed and a good friend:

1. Bed is always there for you.

2. Bed is a good place to cry.

3. Bed is warm and comfortable.

4. Bed never gets tired of spending time with you.

5. Bed is continually tempting you not to be responsible, but to cut class and stay with it.

6. Bed always feels good at the end of a long day.

So... sleep is a friendship bonding activity. And bed is my best friend.

Here I am going to expose more of myself... but it seems safer on the internet, where I don't have see the reactions of people.
To preface: I love the waltz. The reasons: It's gorgeous. It's elegant. Every song is better when recorded in triple meter. The costumes are lovely. It makes you feel strong and beautiful. And, waltz simply takes your breath away when done right.
Okay... that said-- here is the emotion I tack onto the waltz: melancholy. I know-- weird. When I watch that dance, listen to that music, I get this feeling of filling emptiness. Not in a bad way, but in a way that makes me more of a wistful romantic. I want to fall in love and dance like that everyday, even whilst making bread and washing dirty dishes.
That is the romantic life.

Today I went to an acapella jam. For those who don't know what that is... it's amazingness all together. I am in the school acapella club that meets on Tuesday nights. We sang two songs. There were five other groups, and we were by far the most amateur. I mean Vocal Point was there. Enough said. Not really some of the other groups did some AMAZING work.
I love to sing. I love it so much, and since my voice is good, but not really very unique, it is perfect for a choir-- and perfect for singing whatever I want. I am always singing-- even if I have to keep quiet there is song in my head. I don't know why I love it so much, but it just puts me in a really good place where nothing can touch me-- and sometimes I feel like, at least with my voice, I can touch heaven.
The only thing sad to me is that I live in a school where everyone can sing. And so, even those like me, who love it, are instead always listening. Don't get me wrong, I love listening. But I like singing too.

Chick Flicks

So, today I came home from class early-- I should have gone to my chem lab but I couldn't bring myself to do so. I ate some chocolate marshmallow mateys (as a confirmed health freak, you should all be reeling in shock). Ever wish you had more of a drive? I kind of do. I can think of things I could do. Again, weird. Because I am not a procrastinator. Not really.
So, what does a girl do when she is in a standstill mood? She watches a chick flick of course, with a salad and a garlic-pesto fillet of tilapia.
What do chick flicks do for us:
1. The renew our faith that love and humor go together.
2. They make us despair that this thing will ever happen to us.
3. They entertain us and pass the time with brain candy simplicity.

Ironically, in my marriage prep class, we talked about true love today. Apparently, screen-written romantic situations and cool first kiss stories weren't on the list.

And so, far from being depressed, I simply turned off my brain and watched a movie. And had more marshmallow mateys.

Finding Faith

You always get those scary times when something happens that shakes you-- but lots of the time, I feel like they happen to the people close to me, and not really to me. My roommate got a call last night to hear that her youngest brother had fallen out of a moving car (and I mean MOVING), and suffered a head injury. Just some boy rough-housing in the back seat. There was fluid putting pressure on his brain, swelling, and he hadn't woken up for six hours.
I immediately started fasting for her family. There was several hours where there was an opportunity to assume the worst.
But, today I became aware, again, of the great and tender mercy that the Lord has for us in our lives. Instead of having surgery (which was the suggestion of the physicians), he was instead given a blessing of healing. Ten minutes later, he was awake, and he was in his right mind, rapidly improving, able to speak and complain. How grateful I was, how suddenly full of conviction I was, that there is a God in Heaven, and that he does love us. We are limited only by our faith in Him, for he can do all things. I suddenly thought of how much grief that family had been spared, and how much joy they must have felt to know they would not have to wait on the fragile hope that maybe tomorrow, or this afternoon, or next week, he would be okay. God is great. That is the slice, in fact, that is the culmination of all my slices of life.

Slice of Life Again

I don't really know where to begin. You know those times, where you spend two and half hours working on a forty multiple choice question test, and you think, wow, I'm doing so well, I know I'll at least get a B. But, the long trek down the stairs at the testing center, and a look at the screen, where, beside my number, 6-1676 there is an inexplicable 46%. The mind is suddenly confused. What? How is that possible? A grade like that next to a number like mine? An 86... maybe. A 76... sometimes. And, the worst part was, I didn't know how to react. How does one react when they find out their GPA has been tanked for a semester? And not by a constant barrage of infantry, but just by one, ginormous armored tank with artillery that takes all the soldiers of my brain, despite the faithful effort they had diligently put forth. I laughed. I couldn't stop laughing. My roommate took me to kneaders and I ate an entire bag of potato chips-- food for the dying soldiers.

Slice of Life

Well, today was the first time I actually got to work for an entire week. And, I only put in 1.6 hours. Unlike my co-workers, I don't like going to work when I know that mostly I will be sitting there, doing nothing, because largely, there is nothing to do, when I could be doing something better (like sleeping for instance). My favorite person to work with also quit, and today was really hard to work through because she wasn't there. Just me and the guys now. Don't get me wrong, guys are great. But these guys are... not your ideal guys. One has is really invested in freedom of speech (literally) and several of them are freshman boys who can't seem to find the meaning of true humor. And the other guys have been there so long that they are arrogant and condescending and lazy. And then there is me. I love working outside. It's great work, even if it is a little chilly outside, and I end up wearing grungy clothes to school. I like the idea that I contribute to making campus look better. But, I like to feel productive. So, work is a place that I now am beginning dread.

Sarah is talking with a crackly voice today-- but it is better than yesterday. I am trying to work up the drive to go for a run or go to the gym (pro side about running is that there is nobody there but you). Emily and Paul are dating!!!! Yeah! For all those who know or care or want to know the story, you should ask her. They have been friends for ages, and Emily really liked him over a year ago... but they both had growing up to do, and now they are dating, happy as larks. (Why are larks happy... that is something I don't know).
Diana submitted a recording for Acoustic Explosion. Her voice is lovely. And she danced in fiesta last weekend.
Kristyn has been a vegetarian for... 3 days. She is trying it for a week. Yesterday, we had delicious lentil tacos. :) And we can't forget Shin-dig's birthday. Happy Birthday Shineah!
Melby is officially a criminal-- she got a police citation because she forgot to bring her bus pass onto the bus... and the police decided to check. We always knew she was gangsta.